I am turning 30 soon....most people my age find that to be a frightening thing. Like their life as they know it is ending. I, however, have recently come to the realization that my 20s, for the most part, sucked. I went through a lot of hard things during my 20s. I made some great friends and I lost some great friends. I also had a lot of milestones in my 20s. I got my first tattoo and began my quest to convert my body into a walking tapestry of my life. I moved out on my own, away from my family for the first time.
Looking back on all the things I have experienced and done for the past decade, I find that I can't wait to turn 30. I've made some decisions this year, ones that will finally free me from the cage i built around myself for protection. I decided to stop feeling guilty for not liking my own mother, and to stop trying to be the parent in our relationship. I need to focus on myself and not on making everyone else happy. I cannot change the past, and I have to stop waiting for an apology that will never come. I'm not going to be afraid to go out and experience life by myself. I need to stop waiting for someone to come with me to share my experiences. I am going to be happy just sharing them with myself. I almost feel like I am finally making some new years resolutions without the hoopla surrounding the beginning of a new year.
So, to commemorate turning 30 in a few months, (cough*** 4 ***cough) I have decided to start sharing myself. The person I am inside, away from my harsh reality I used to live in. And to do that, I am going to pull out my old journals and finish all the poems that I left unfinished.
I want to post a new one here each day, as I get closer and closer to that milestone...30.
See you soon!
XOXO
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